What can a Turkish drama teach us about family?
海外向けeSIMスマホ一つで旅行がもっと快適【TORA eSIM】
If you’ve been following Kızım, you already know that Demir’s life has become much more complicated since Öykü suddenly entered it. He is trying to deal with Uğur’s problems, Öykü’s family, Cemal’s anger, and his own increasingly complicated feelings toward his daughter.
But Episode 4 is not just about what happens next. For me, it also reveals something interesting about Turkish family relationships. And because I’m Japanese and married to a Turkish man, I often find myself stopping the drama and asking my husband: “Is this really normal in Turkey?” 😂 Sometimes his answer is yes. Sometimes he says, “Not always.” And sometimes he just laughs at me. Let’s take a look at Episode 4.
🚨 Spoiler warning: This article contains spoilers for Kızım Episode 4. If you’re watching the series for the first time, you may want to watch the episode before reading this recap.
Demir and Uğur
Uğur’s problems become increasingly serious. Demir tries to help his friend, but as usual, things don’t go according to plan. Eventually, Uğur is arrested. Demir is worried about his friend, but something else catches my attention in this part of the story. It is not only the relationship between Demir and Uğur. It is the way Uğur’s mother treats Demir.
❤️ Uğur’s Mother Treats Demir Like Family
One scene that really stood out to me was Uğur’s mother’s attitude toward Demir. Even though Demir is not her son, she treats him with warmth and affection. She worries about him. She welcomes him. And there is a feeling that he is not simply “her son’s friend.” He is someone who belongs to the family circle.
💬 My Turkish Husband Says…
I asked my husband: “Is this kind of warmth toward your children’s friends normal in Turkey?” He told me that, depending on the family, it can be quite common. Turkish families can have a very strong sense of hospitality and closeness, especially toward people who are considered part of the family’s circle. If your child’s close friend has been around the family for years, that person may be treated almost like another member of the family. Of course, not every Turkish family is the same. But this kind of warmth is something I have noticed more than once in Turkish life and in Turkish dramas.
As a Japanese person, I found this scene especially interesting. In Japan, we can certainly be kind and welcoming to our children’s friends, but the emotional expression can sometimes be more restrained. In Turkey, the affection can feel much more direct. And sometimes… a Turkish mother will feed you before she even asks whether you’re hungry. 😂 Actually, she may feed you first and ask later.
Demir Tries to Find Öykü’s Aunt
Meanwhile, Demir is trying to find Öykü’s aunt. There are still so many unanswered questions about Öykü. Why did her mother leave? Why did her aunt stop taking care of her? And why has this little girl been passed from one adult to another?
Demir wants to find Öykü’s aunt, but there is also another reason for his search. He is beginning to understand that if he is going to be responsible for Öykü, he needs to know where she came from. This is an important change in Demir. At first, he wanted to find someone else who could take care of Öykü. Now, he is becoming emotionally involved in her story. He may not be ready to admit it yet, but he is becoming her father.
Family Isn’t Always Simple
One thing Kızım does particularly well is show that family is not always about people who live in the same house. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, parents, friends of the family… they can all play important roles. And sometimes the people who are not technically your immediate family can become incredibly important.
This is another reason Turkish dramas are so interesting to me. Family relationships often feel very visible. People know each other’s business. They worry about each other. They interfere. They argue. They give advice when nobody asked for it. And then they feed you. Again. 😂
⚡ Demir and Uğur: Can You Really Stay Angry?
Another thing I find interesting in Turkish dramas is the way people deal with conflict. Demir and Uğur don’t always agree. They get angry. They make mistakes. They hurt each other. But there is often an expectation that, eventually, they will sit down and talk.
💬 My Turkish Husband Says…
My husband once explained something to me that helped me understand this kind of scene. He said that in Turkey, people can be quite direct when they are angry. They may argue. They may raise their voices. They may say exactly what they think. But that doesn’t necessarily mean “our relationship is over.” Sometimes it means “I’m angry with you, so let’s talk about it.” Of course, this varies enormously from person to person and family to family. But compared with what I am used to in Japan, I find this difference fascinating.
🇯🇵 Japan vs. 🇹🇷 Turkey: What Happens After a Big Fight?
This is just my personal observation, not a rule about every Japanese or Turkish person. But in Japan, when adults have a serious disagreement, people may choose to avoid confrontation. They might become distant. They might stop talking. They may think, “It’s better not to say anything more.” And sometimes the relationship slowly disappears.
In the Turkish dramas I’ve watched, I often see something different. People fight. They say everything they have been holding inside. They get emotional. And then… they talk. They may apologize. They may forgive each other. And they continue the relationship. That doesn’t mean Turkish people never cut ties. Of course they do. But I find the idea that a big argument does not automatically mean the end of a relationship very interesting. Sometimes you have to clear the air before you can move forward.
And honestly? As a Japanese person, some Turkish arguments look absolutely terrifying to me. 😂 I’m watching the screen thinking: “Are they still friends after this?!” My husband: “Of course.” Me: “OF COURSE?!” 😂
Cemal’s Revenge
While Demir is dealing with his own problems, Cemal continues to pursue his revenge. And unfortunately, Öykü becomes part of the situation. This is where the story becomes especially uncomfortable. Öykü is a child. She has nothing to do with the conflict between the adults. But Cemal knows that Öykü is extremely important to Demir. That makes her vulnerable. And once again, we see how the decisions of adults can affect children who have done absolutely nothing wrong.
Öykü: The Child Who Sees Everything
One of my favorite things about Kızım is Öykü herself. She is young, but she is incredibly observant. She doesn’t understand every secret around her. She doesn’t know why the adults lie. She doesn’t understand all of the complicated relationships. But she notices things. She watches people’s expressions. She remembers what they say. And she asks questions.
Sometimes a simple question from Öykü is enough to expose something an adult desperately wants to hide. That makes her character much more than just “the cute little girl in the story.” She is actually one of the most perceptive people in the entire series.
Candan Becomes More Important
Candan continues to be someone Öykü can feel safe with. She listens to her. She comforts her. She gives her the kind of emotional security that Öykü desperately needs. And slowly, Candan is also beginning to see another side of Demir.
At first, Demir looks like an irresponsible man who causes trouble wherever he goes. But the more she watches him, the more she realizes that there is something underneath all of that chaos. He does care about Öykü. He just doesn’t know how to be a father yet.
❤️ When Demir Starts Becoming a Father
This is what I think Episode 4 is really about. Demir doesn’t suddenly become a wonderful father. He doesn’t magically stop making mistakes. He is still selfish. He still lies. He still makes terrible decisions. But something has changed. He is starting to care.
There is a huge difference between being someone’s biological father and actually choosing to be their father. Demir is slowly making that choice. And I think that is what makes his relationship with Öykü so touching.
💭 My Thoughts on Episode 4
Episode 4 made me think about something beyond the story itself. What actually makes someone family? Is it blood? Is it living together? Is it responsibility? Or is it simply being there when someone needs you?
Demir didn’t choose to become a father. Öykü didn’t choose him either. And yet, somehow, these two people are slowly becoming a family.
At the same time, I found myself thinking about the Turkish approach to relationships. People can argue intensely. They can say things they regret. They can become angry. But sometimes they don’t give up on each other. They come back. They talk. They forgive. And they eat together. Apparently, food fixes many things in Turkey. 😂
🇹🇷 Turkish Language Corner
If you’re watching Kızım in Turkish, here are some useful family words from this episode:
- anne — mother
- baba — father
- kızım — my daughter / my girl
- teyze — maternal aunt
- dayı — maternal uncle
- amca — paternal uncle
One pronunciation point that is especially useful when watching Turkish dramas: C = “J”, so Candan → Jandan. And Ç = “CH”. Once you learn these simple rules, Turkish names become much easier to pronounce.
What Will Happen Next?
Demir’s relationship with Öykü is changing. But the secrets surrounding Öykü’s family are far from being solved. Who is Öykü’s mother? Why was she abandoned? What does Cemal really want? And most importantly: can Demir really become the father Öykü needs? The story is only getting started.
